To Grieve, To Celebrate, To Let Go (a very delayed publishing, this post was written on May 14, 2014)

I'm bad at being consistent, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. At least not in front of anybody ;-) I'm also not going to tell everyone the real reason I'm blogging again (after totally abandoning it for the entire year of 2013). It is most definitely not because I have a long to do list that I am avoiding!

A year and a half is a very long time, and while many things remain the same, I am in a place right now that is both anxiety causing and exciting, on the brink of a major change. No, I am not pregnant again! Though it may not be long before we plan for number four, I'm still enjoying some one-on-one time with baby Gabriel (and being thin is nice, too). To give a little perspective on just how long it's been, I've chosen a couple of pictures to share:

 November, 2012

 April, 2014

Oh yeah, and this little guy didn't exist a year ago... he's walking now! Babies are cool.

So much has happened, that it's hard to even pinpoint why I'm on here writing again. I might have just run out of paper, you'll never know. My life has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for a while - a lot of grieving and celebrating side by side. Dan has been away for most of this year, but we're moving to France! I found out my nanny wasn't treating my children very nicely, but now I have an awesome nanny AND my girls understand that NOBODY should treat them that way! I have to get rid of a lot of stuff and leave a lot of good friends, but we are moving to a place with a big yard and garden and FRESH AIR! 

As always, the good generally seems to outweigh the bad for me, but sometimes they just go hand in hand. Gabriel started walking, which is great, except that I was really hoping I wouldn't have to baby proof the apartment I'm about to leave! And my granny is very sick, which is terrible, except that she has been such a positive influence on my life and I am so very grateful for every moment I have spent with her! And this is probably the real reason I came here, to grieve, to celebrate, and to let go (as much as possible, given how bad I am at that part).

Blessings and Curses

My relationship with China has often been a volatile one. One day I am perfectly content to be here, and the next I hate it and can't take it anymore. When the pollution is so bad I can smell it indoors, I want to leave. When skies are blue with wispy clouds and I can see the mountains in the distance, I'm pretty happy about my 30th floor apartment. When Chinese people don't demonstrate what I deem to be the minimal amount of courtesy, it's hard not to take it personally and make sweeping generalizations about their bad character. When I spend the day eating and talking with Chinese friends, I can't imagine leaving. When the Chinese government makes it very difficult to access the New York Times (to which I have a paid subscription), I want to scream. When I don't access Facebook quite so often because it's blocked, I realize that sometimes ignorance is bliss. Sadly, I logged on to Facebook this morning and got a reminder of why, regardless of my relationship with China, I'm definitely still not ready to go back home.

I know that politics are often contentious. I know that people hold strong views because they care about something. I know that it's hard to listen to something you think is absolutely, objectively wrong, and not get riled up about it. But, I have to say I was shocked and seriously disappointed by some of the things I read. Nothing was directed at me, individually. Nobody was calling me names, at least not directly. But so much of what was said was name-calling and devoid, as far as I could tell, of any attempt to communicate ideas or persuade. Believe me, I've been there. I've been so angry and frustrated that I didn't see the point in arguing to support my ideas. It's significantly easier to say that someone is just not intelligent enough, or doesn't have enough experience to understand. (A lot of my arguments with Dan end up with me throwing in the towel because he's got a bit more mental stamina than me. And while I may not call him names, I do accuse him of not listening or not trying to understand.) 

So I get it. The people who disagree with you are idiots and un-American. But let's get past that for just a few minutes, because I would like to understand my family and friends who don't share the same views as me.

Here is what I want from our country:

• equal opportunities (i.e. good public education for all)
• clean air, water, and food for everybody
• efficient emergency services
• care for those who cannot care for themselves (in whatever form this may take)
• help getting back on their feet for people who need it (training, job placement, etc.)
• fewer prisons
• less war
• respect for personal choices (any rational person, who can breath and exist on their own should be able to make choices about their own life, body, etc. without the involvement of the government or anyone else, so long as those choices do not interfere with the physical existence of any other autonomous person)
• respect for life (any person born into any circumstances gets the support they need to develop into a productive member of society)
• respect for ideas and dialogue (that we can disagree with a person's ideas without discounting the person, that someday our conversations may have greater "Yes, and" mentality, that we can truly listen and consider ideas that aren't our own without feeling attacked and defensive)

With all of these things, I still won't be rich, and I may not be able to afford my dream kitchen, but I will feel safe, and I will be happy knowing that, as privileged as I am, other people are still able to have a reasonable standard of living.

What is it that you want from our great country? Explain and justify (as I would tell my students), please. 

Macbeth, the Game.

I know it's been exactly a week since my last post. There have been several occasions when I thought, "I could blog about that." But, I'm a little low on emotional energy right now. Dan's doing some cover work, which means that neither of us is at home resting. There are two tired and stressed people trying to take care of two energetic young girls. Needless to say, it's not conducive to blogging.

I'm also working on a really, really big project. I have a group of pretty apathetic 9th graders this year, and my next unit is about Macbeth. Apathy and Shakespeare don't really get along and, quite frankly, I just want to light a fire under them. So, I came up with a solution, a very complicated and time-consuming one. I've made my entire unit into a game. Everything about class will either earn them points or badges and I've gotten feedback from several game fanatics in order to get it as close to something they might play as possible. Now, I know that gaming in the classroom is nothing new, but it isn't really about the novelty. I really, really, really want to engage these kids.

If they don't get into it, or just plain hate it, I will probably have a breakdown. Or, maybe I'll just make them read the entire play silently and give them a test. Ha! Then we'll see who likes my game. If nothing else, they'll get better and better at faking it!